Apr 13, 2012

Chapter 17

it was abdullah

nasser: abdullah sa3idny ma sawait shay yeet foug chan asma3ha it9arekh glt ayee ashouf shfeeha

abdullah: fay shfeech? shnu hatha?

me: injara7t w ga3d y6la3 dam

abdullah: salamat salamat

nasser kan imbayen 3ala wayha m7tarrrr bas kan ga3d yjarb he acts normal 3ashan may shik abdullah

they helped me w the blood wagaf

me: thank you so much

both of them: youre welcome

i smiled at them

me: please lat gooloon 7ag a7ad 3an ily 9ar mali 5lg ta78ee8

abdullah: inshallah bas shlon injara7tay?

ma 3araft shagool, i said what came to my mind

me: madri ma athkir it just happened faj2a

abdullah: ahh ok

nasser ashwa kan sakit ma gal ina i cut

they left chan idizli nasser bbm

nasser: fay laish u cut?

me: nasser please ghayer il mawthou3 its just personal

nasser: fay wallah agool 7ag khaled

me: nasser bas! lat gool 7ag a7ad! i wont trust u anymore!

to get my mind off of things i checked twitter chan y6la3li abdullah 3ala my timeline

he was one of my followers fa i followed him

abdullah: il7mdillah u finally followed!

me: yeah..

abdullah: shlon 9rtay?

me: a7san il7mdillah

abdullah: :D

7garta w r7t lbast jacket 3ashan ygha6ee ilcuts

i sat on my bed and sfaj2a slept..

*after 2 hours*

khaled: fay ya7mara goomay! bnrid ilbait! warana 6reej w bngi6hum

me: zain zain bas chub

khaled: yallah

gmt w r7t ilsayara

nasser kan ga3id jdam wiya khaled fa i had to sit wara wiya abdullah w dalal

i sat in the middle -.-

abdullah 7ash eedy

i moved it

abdullah whispered to me: sorry

i smiled

9j he was cute bas ya3ni shtabee blthab6?

khaled was trying to make conversations wiya dalal bas ihya klish mu ma36eeta wayh, haha

ga6aina all three of them w radaina ilbait

salamt 3ala umy w r7t nmt 3ala 6oul

it was 9:30

the next day r7t il school

when i was playing PE bnt isimha laya yatli

she hates me so mcuh mn zman tikrahny bas madri laish

laya: fay wai3 wai3 whats that on ur hand

me: entay shaku?

she gave me a stare chan trou7 7ag ilteacher

laya: ms look at fay's hand someone probably scratched it

teacher: laya its non of ur business unless u were the one who did it

laya: ms i care about her

teacher: laya stop lying i know u two arent friends

kaaaak inga9 wayiha

the teacher came over to me

teacher: fay whats that?

me: umm yesterday there was a knife on the table and i put my hand not realizing it was there so it cut me

teacher: fay tell me the truth

me: ms it is the truth im not lying to you!!

teacher: ok then

laya gave me a very rude stare

i stared back

malat 3alayha madri 3ala shnu shayfa nafis'ha

it was lunch time

laya came up to me and dalal

laya: wai3 wai3 jaykara il7mdillah wl shikir

me: ilthaher ma 3ndich manthara 3ashan itshoofeen il jaykara il a9liya

dalal: shtabeen al7een? thilfay thilfay

kalmha yjra7ni, im sensitive w 9j words hurt

knt abee i cut so badly, i had to

the PE teacher came

teacher: laya go away stop annoying them or ill tell the principal

ithlifat

it was time to go home

6la3t 7ag khaled 3ashan eraji3ny wla ashouf laya 3nda

she was smiling at him and trying to flirt bas ohwa yadri shitsawee feny fa kan ma36eeha the sarcastic smile

i went to them

me: yallah khaled imsh khalee hal maynoona twali

khaled: ee yallah

wayiha 9ar a7mar

laya: bye khaloody

WAI3 IT8ITH!

me: kat dal3eena yal d3la

and we left

rja3t ilbait chan i cut

ta3awadt awagif ildam. cutting became a part of my everyday life. its my addictiojn. it makes me feel better. a6ali3 7arity ib nafsy. it was painful but i got used to it, it doesnt hurt that much anymore. i do it because of the bullying, the broken heart i have because of nasser and girls flirting with him, my parents divorce and how my own dad treats me, and khaled changing. people can be mean and they dont know what ure going through. they r too upset in their lives that they want u to be upset too. it hurts a lot. im going through a lot and i hope one day it would just go. i keep thinking about suicide bas 7aram. its not like cutting mu 7aram bas ina what can i do?

nizalt for lunch wla abdullah was there

oh joy! :) (not)

he smiled at me

klaina lunch and khaled said: fay tara abood nayem 3ndina la2aba his parents imsafreen

me: ok, 7aya Allah

abdullah: Allah y7ayeech

we finished lunch w r7na nakil dessert bl; 9ala

my mom ra7at itnam w khaled ra7 il 7mam

once again i was all alone with abdullah..
 

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